Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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