I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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