This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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