Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
