So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
