You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
