im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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