she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
