Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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