NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
