i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
