I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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