hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We talked him into tasing himself.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
