boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
