apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
