Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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