so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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