eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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