You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
