I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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