Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
