Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
