Small penises have feelings too.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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