fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
