I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
