I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
