You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
