Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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