I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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