not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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