I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
