i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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