yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
