omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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