i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
