Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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