We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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