Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
