He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
