I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
