i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
