The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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