Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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