Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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