Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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