it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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