I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
