hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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