So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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