I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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